Making E.L. James proud

"It was a dark and stormy night" - Edward George Bulwer-Lytton That cliché of the literary world has sparked an annual contest for the most hilarious, soul-deadening first sentences known as The Bulwer-Lytton Prize. Writers submit Razzie-worthy sentences that would make Baby Jesus weep for his mama. And the results are hilarious. Some of my favorites: For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil. - Molly Ringle

Leopold looked up at the arrow piercing the skin of the dirigible with a sort of wondrous dismay – the wheezy shriek was just the sort of sound he always imagined a baby moose being beaten with a pair of accordions might make. - Shannon Wedge

Chain-smoking as he stood in the amber glow of the street lamp, he gazed up at the brownstone wherein resided Bunny Morgan, and thought how like a bunny Bunny was, though he had read somewhere that rabbits were coprophages, which meant that they ate their own feces, which was really disgusting now that he thought about it, and nothing like Bunny, at least he hoped not, so on second thought Bunny wasn’t like a bunny after all, but she still was pretty hot. - Emma DeZordi

These actually make Fifty Shades of Grey look palata... nope, still can't say that with a straight face!

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